I'm no one if not a realist, and can tell you without a doubt that I'm terrible at math and consequently the person at group dinners who friends know not to trust with calculating check-splitting. I'm extremely unathletic, tend to find my energy drained within 30 minutes of hanging out in a big group, and am the most awful texter to have ever existed.
If you called me, beeped me, when you wanted to reach me... you'd reach my voicemail and the blackhole known as my text history. Kim Caroline Not-So-Possible. Seriously I should start letting my friends know that if they really really need to find me, to go ahead and leave a blog comment at Perpetually Caroline. Shameless.
Okay, Caroline, that's enough self-deprecation. No one needs that on a Wednesday.
Time to start talking about the things that I've mastered.
Oh, hi guys! Didn't see you there! --said me. Never.
Things That I Absolutely Excel At, A List Of –
// Fast-forwarding through the FRIENDS theme song on triple-speed and then pressing the play button the instant the good stuff is back on. Because I like you, here's the secret: hit the play button immediately after you see David Schwimmer's name. Immediately.
// Kicking clean-eating habits.
// Being super resourceful when it comes to reaching items on the top shelf. It comes with years of accepting that you're 5'2 and a half. And having a roommate who's 5'9 and a half.
// Justifying each and every April purchase as a birthday present to myself.
// Finding the nearest caffeine drip aka Starbucks or a real cafe.
// Wheedling my friends into brunch dates. What do you mean we're broke? What do you mean this is frivolous? Give me eggs Benedict or give me a doctor's note telling me you're on bedrest.
// Walking. I walk everywhere. I'm also great at finding shortcuts.
// Yelling at ("disciplining") my laptop when she's not behaving. Especially if I'm trying to stream the latest episode of The Royals.
// Speaking of – getting addicted to baaaaaad TV shows. Who is A though. Help.
// Falling into the traps that Target sets up for all of us. Where did this candle come from? Did I even need shipping tape? What's that number on the receipt? Oh no, not again ...
What have YOU been excelling at lately?
BUT WHO IS A? I'm starting to think it's me, honestly.
ReplyDeleteWhat is it about Target that makes us spend so much time and money there? Nothing makes me pause my bad TV show faster than someone saying "Hey, you wanna come to Target with me??"
ReplyDeleteTarget is a black hole. Yet I go there when I'm bored and spend money. It's an awful cycle.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the April birthday presents. The whole month is a birthday right?
ReplyDeleteKari
www.sweetteasweetie.com
But actually. I refuse to believe otherwise!
DeleteYou are so adorable. You forgot to say you're good at that!
ReplyDeleteOk I WORK AT TARGET so you can imagine how awful it is on my bank account never being able to leave without buying SOMETHING (be it a full load of groceries or just a pack of gum...) Seriously. They probably make more than half their profits off their employees! lol
ReplyDeleteLet's see...I'm excellent at autopilot. Seriously, when there's a lot to be done, I feel like I'm watching myself like in a movie rather than actually being present. It's crazy. Is there even a term for that? Insanity? lol
~ Samantha
Oh wow, how do you resist the temptation ever??
DeleteI Netflix binge a lot too. Also, I LOVE eggs Benedict!
ReplyDeleteFun post! I too have developed an addiction to The Royals. Also, happy birthday month!
ReplyDeleteseriously who is A? I think we're never going to find out. or when we do, it won't make any sense! i'm really good at watching bad tv too obviously.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think I'M A!
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