College Kid Syndrome

In honor of my impending Abnormal Psychology midterm on Tuesday (which I'm naturally not procrastinating studying for) (at all) (not in the least bit), I decided to share with you the self-diagnosis of a relevant disorder that is absolutely, 100% not made up.

–College Kid Syndrome–

Clinical Definition – when a college student is thrown into the real world, and is consequently utterly bewildered, amused, and confused by productivity, order, and "normal people things."
DSM-V Diagnostic Criteria

A. The feeling of being on top of the world because nails are painted, eyebrows are threaded, hair is brushed, clothes are of the non-sweats variety (mostly), and makeup is applied. Individual wonders, is this what feeling put together and presentable is like? I'm... not a mess! Individual swears up and down that never again will an eyebrow hair be astray or a foot unmassaged.

B. Being absolutely flabbergasted in a restaurant when allowed to a) order a drink that's not water, b) order appetizers that don't come free with an entree, c) order anything just for the heck of it, d) entertain the idea of ordering dessert. 

C. In fact, being completely in denial (but like, the good kind of denial) when eating anything other than Cup O' Noodles and Easy Mac. 

D. Partake in escapism involving avoiding the onslaught of midterm season and decompressing (hiding) at a sister's apartment. A sister's apartment with a bathroom cabinet that has an unlimited amount of Biore nose strips and Crest whitening strips and cleansing oils and yogurt face masks. 

E. Having an unhealthy obsession with personal hygiene once out of an "every other day at most" mentality when it comes to showering. This is what I've been missing out on?! This is GREAT!!!

F. Being delusional enough to think that "just one cat photo" won't end up being "all but one photo on the Camera Roll = cats cats cats."

G. Scary level of caffeine in the bloodstream at all times.

Grandpa.

You have no idea how many times I've hit the backspace button since opening up this post.

Some people are more than words could ever describe, you know? My grandpa's like that. Notice the apostrophe s. I couldn't make myself write the word was in place of is. Not yet.

To the person I admire more than anyone –
{ Comments turned off because hi, I'm Caroline and I don't do sad. }

Questions I Have For Bloggers

Question number one, on this fresh-faced, happy, relaxing, not Monday morning – how do you keep yourself from gulping down your brunch drinks before the waitress finally brings the food? According to Instagram, waffles and mimosas arrive at the table perfectly in sync. Under perfect lighting. French toast lightly dusted with powdered sugar, syrup poured so delicately (sub-question – how do you not drown your food in syrup because obviously you need to be at it for fifteen whole seconds in order to get the proper number of snapshots), phones and keys and straw papers not strewn all over the table. How do you do that?

Because apparently, I couldn't keep my hands off of my frozen mocha for three minutes. "I'll fix it for you," my roommate said, as she stabbed at the whipped cream with a straw. "Unsalvageable," she declared a second later.

Lightbulb moment as I was typing that word vomit of a paragraph above. Is it because you order two rounds of drinks?! Wow, wait, actually though? Trying this next Sunday. 
This guy up here only put up with me for all of two minutes, and they were for my official senior photos. I have to maybe pay him two hundred big buckaroos for a couple of awkward, cheesy smiles frozen in time. Stellar. 

Do all of you have glossy white desks, on which you photograph cool statement necklaces and still-steaming coffee, and artsy, indestructible planners? Where do you find so many cool statement necklaces? 
(I also ate half that croissant breakfast sandwich.) (And half an unpictured cronut.) (And then took a three hour nap. WHY DO I FIND IT OKAY TO ADMIT THESE THINGS ON THE INTERNET.)

When do you find the time to listen to podcasts? Do you really go about your days in Rockstuds and Choo's? But, like, then why are your feet forever perfectly pedicured and un-blistered? Will you teach me your ways? 
How do you get dressed on a Monday because personally I struggle into my (slightly) clean(er) leggings, and a sleep shirt as close to a real person shirt as I can get? On weekends, how do you find the time to do laundry and Netflix and brunch and go to farmers' markets for fresh flowers?

What happens if you're allergic to flowers? Or, like me, if you'd rather spend eight dollars on, say, eight stupid toys in the Dollar Spot aisle of Target? What happens if you're not too fond of the buzzwordy shows on TV like Downton or Scandal and favor truly critically-acclaimed ones like Pretty Little Liars and Hart of Dixie?

Scratch that, don't tell me. Let me go on, blissfully ignorant.
Last question.

How does your blog not completely revolve around food? I think I need an intervention judging by the contents of this post. Anyone wanna recommend a hobby? That's not too physically taxing or mentally draining?

Happy Tuesday, errrr'yone!

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