You guys, I am living a cliche over here. Senior year has gone from "Falalalala, this campus is my kingdom, I can nap all day if I want to, I can wear only the lounge portion of my closet if that's what I feel like doing, I can go to bed at 9pm and grouch at the frats because I'm old" to "FML FML FML IS ANYONE STILL HIRING?! NEED JOB HELP" to grimacing and resisting the urge to burst into tears whenever someone asks "how is everything, really?" to glaring intensely at the Facebook statuses that are all, "I'm so humbled Harvard Medical School is my next step" or "Starting out at 200K over at Palantir!!!"
O. K. A. Y.
In shambles is the current state of mind for every college senior not going into consulting, finance, or engineering. And for those going into grad school, because rolling admissions ain't no joke yo. We're on the verge of #SOBBING or a mental breakdown or an anxiety attack at all times. That is, if we haven't just completely given up and permanently sewn ourselves into our beds and under a thick blanket. Ticking time bombs, all of us.
My freshman year RA, Annika, is visiting for a couple of days. She arrived this afternoon, gave me a long, sturdy hug, and sat herself down at my desk, ready for an hour or two's worth of catching-up.
Maybe there's just something about spilling all of your worries and concerns and absurd thoughts to someone who listened to you ranting about the very same things four whole years ago that puts you at ease. It could be because you see that they were in a similar position all those years ago, and have ended up A-OK after all. It could be because you realize how scared and unsure you were all those years ago, and realize that you ended up A-OK after all.
After dinner, a lot of people from my freshman dorm stopped by to say hello to Annika. I've maintained over and over again that my freshman dorm was the most transformative and special thing I've ever been a part of. But with time and with distance, it was inevitable that we've all grown apart somewhat. Some of us are closer than we are with others; some of us see each other on a more consistent basis.
I see these people, and it's like no time has changed.
I see these people, and it's like a marked reminder that we've made it this far, we've made it and we're in a good place, and we're all so, so lucky to be where we are today.
I see these people, and I have this profound sense of my inner compass being recalibrated. I feel my perspective coming to again: I know that there are incredible opportunities ahead and meaningful lessons to be learned and wonderful memories to be made.
So, how is everything right now?
It could be better right now. But for the most part, everything's okay. Everything will be okay, I'm sure of it. I've put my faith in the moments that recalibrate my inner compass, I've decided to seek these moments, and I know they'll guide me towards the right direction in no time at all.