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Back To The Beginning

Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aliiiiiigned.

Nothing wrong with starting a Friday off with some classic Hilary Duff, right friends? Right?!

Bringing this party to the here and now, I'm writing to you live from my frameless mattress on the floor (Amazon mixup, Amazon how could you), laptop perched on a beat up, duct-taped plastic bin serving as a makeshift desk. My clothes, fresh from storage and smelling like cardboard boxes, are finding their places in my closet and dresser. I have yet to make a grocery run. The walls are bare. I need a lamp and some cute bins big enough for all the miscellaneous, I-really-don't-need-these-Ethernet-cords-what-even-is-Ethernet, can't-bear-to-toss-out-this-ratty-wall-fixture, where-did-you-even-come-from junk that have piled up.

You know what I've always found to be unfair? How, when you're a fifth-grader, you're the hotshots of elementary school. Like, bow down b...rethren, bow down. Then, bam. Back to being squirmy little sixth graders in the pimply, string bean-y, awkward obstacle course known as middle school. Two years later, back on top as devil-may-care eighth graders who own the back of the bus. Aaaaand, nope just kidding, you're a bitty high school freshman. Three years later, you're livin' life like you're living inside Long Live by TayTay Swift. THEN SHUCKS, FRESHMAN AGAIN. On and on.
Well, just now it occurred to me that I'm at my final freshman year: that of the real world. It does seem like it, as my muscles ache from all the boxes I hauled and lugged up the stairs to my room *ahem the box that I hauled and lugged as my dad bless his heart hauled and lugged the other... 12...* and everything's new and different and weird and a little intimidating.

But I know I'll be there soon. Not quite cool senior level, but I'll be a second-semester freshman in no time. It'll be like I've always imagined. Kicking off my boots and shrugging off a coat amidst the briskness of fall, as I change into an oversized college sweatshirt and head towards the kitchen to throw together some dinner. I'll be excited by fitness classes (lol... so ambitious), and finding a good tailor, and fresh produce from the farmers' market, and an efficient salad spinner.

But first, it's time to be that scared shitless but fakin' a this? This ain't no thang! smile freshie. Just one more time.

PS. If I take the grad school route, I just know I'll re-read this post, muttering "bite me" under my breath the whole way through.

12 comments

  1. I definitely feel like I am still in the first semester freshman stage of being an adult. I can shop at the farmer's market but still have mental breakdowns when it comes to actually preparing myself food. I live in a real adult apartment but still want to cover the walls sorority style with photos of my friends and I doing cartwheels and wearing crop tops and throwing up peace signs. I love watching and reading about your adventures, and your analogy about beginnings (and the Hillary Duff reference) make me quite happy (:

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  2. SUCH an exciting time! I have felt happiness like never before being an adult - but it does take time! Enjoy it, and savor all the tiny, happily content moments. Congrats on your new place!

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    1. Great advice, thank you! I'm already super excited for all that's yet to come, but admittedly more than a little wistful when thinking about the multiple nap days and invigorating lectures in college!

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  4. Adulting is overrated. I wish I could go back to high school or college. Not middle school though, those were some bad times.

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  5. I just started my final semester (graduating in December!!!) and I DEFINITELY understand....I'm nervous/excited/scared all at once and it feels like, even though I'm a "super senior" at school, I'm definitely heading into my freshman year in life. BUT like Hilary Duff sings, "This is what dreams are made of!" - We can do this!! I'm glad I'm not alone!
    ~ Samantha

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    1. Congratulations on almost finishing! Awesome Hilary lyric... she's just full of wise words, isn't she??

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  6. Getting older. It fricken sucks sometimes. But deep down, we all love it. I personally would hate to be 16 forever, but that's just me.
    www.mademoiselleaventure.com

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    1. Being 16 again does sound like a nightmare and there are SO many things to look forward to in the coming years. It'd be so nice if we could replay a few ages? Maybe just once or twice? :)

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    2. In theory yes, but then those years wouldn't be as special, don't you think?

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  7. Best of luck! And you're never too old for some Hilary Duff. I am 27 and I still love her Dignity album.

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  8. Ahh, what I would do to be back at where you were where the possibilities were endless! Although really, I'd much rather be 6 again...

    www.jewelswandering.com

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your comments truly make my day! :)
thank you!

xx Caroline