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Olympic Events I'd Medal In... If They Existed

So, get this. Two of my freshman dormmates competed in the Olympics this year. Three, if you count a girl who practically lived there too. That's like 5% of my freshman dorm. Not only that, one took home a bronze medal from London, one won a gold in Rio just last week, and that third girl nagged a gold medal (and MVP status!) in both Rio and London. BOSS.

Meanwhile, I would like to point out that I excel at eating Mexican food like it's going out of business. Actually, let me rephrase. The Mexican restaurant that I live above did indeed go out of business on Saturday, and to bid it a proper farewell–I ate there four days in a row last week. Take THAT, Olympians!!

That got me thinking. If the Olympics were to more accurately represent my skillset, which events would I have a shot at being top dog?

Speed-Alarm-Clock-Snoozing, for one. My reflexes and memorization of the iPhone 'slide-to-turn-off' technique is on point. There's also (Not) Decision-Making. I will outlast any hem-and-hawer out there, weighing options and debating pro's and con's till kingdom come. I'm also the last one standing in all Netflix battles: a strength that I have trained over many years of sharing my best friend's mom's account with like six other people. I persevere through all "too many device" warnings, and keep clicking refresh, I tell you. 
I'm always a winner when it comes to finding a kitty or puppy belly to scratch, and am easily conditioned into providing treats for all four-legged creatures at their first meow or bark (yes, Coach Jerry, of course Coach Jerry).

When it comes to relays, I'll have you know that I'm an incredible baton-passer. A few weeks ago, Cassandra was en route to Bosnia and needed to show customs a copy of a bus ticket... which wasn't yet purchased, and she needed it in about 15 minutes. So here I was at work, frantically trying to book a bus ticket on a Croatian website, but I texted her the ticket with seconds to spare... except customs ended up not needing to see it at all. 

Other "sports" I'm particularly good at: bargain-hunting, cupcake-tasting, taste-testing in general, napping, procrastinating, procrastinapping, speed-walking when I see the word "sale," scaring myself silly at an oddly suspenseful episode of Pretty Little Liars, caffeinating, perhaps overcaffeinating, figuring whodunnit on police dramas, and creatively exaggerating to my mother my fruit and vegetable intake of the day.

Let's leave it at that.

Tell me friends, which Olympic sports–real or not–do you excel at? Did you totally binge on the Olympics this year? What was your favorite moment? WHY IS IT OVER.

10 comments

  1. If I lived above a Mexican restaraunt I would eat there 4 days a week every week so they would never be able to go out of business! Hehe but seriously you're going to have to beat me for the gold medal in over caffinating because I'm pretty gifted in that arena too!

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  2. BAHAHAHA. I'd get the Gold Medal in finding the best J.Crew deals, sniffing out the closest ice cream store, finishing all the chocolate in my apartment, and napping!

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  3. So many of my former teammates are still killin' it, while I opted to go down the "how many nights in a row can I eat nachos" path post-college. My event of choice would be selecting avocados that are perfectly ripe.

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    1. I'd give you a run for your money at that nachos game! And please give me a tutorial on avocados - I'm good at eating them, not so great at choosing them :)

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  4. You were the true MVP whilst I was traveling.

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    1. If you think I'm not printing this out and presenting it to you when we get mad at each other on this trip... well. Surprise.

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  5. I would definitely rival you for the snooze speed one, too funny!

    xx Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  6. This was too funny and you really are a professional! Ha!

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  7. Haha, Caroline, this is great!

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  8. Wow you know so many Olympians! That's amazing. This post is hilarious. I'd get gold for sure in walking into a room to do something and then totally forgetting what it was I wanted to do.

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your comments truly make my day! :)
thank you!

xx Caroline