Every industry celebrates successes and rewards those who go above and beyond. Sports, academics, fashion, peacemaking, you name it. TV and movies? Well, they have like seven. Hundred. Plus, the rest of the world actually pays attention to their award shows and are even at times emotionally invested in the minutiae (see Exhibit: Those Shoes Personally Offend Me, or Exhibit: If A Jennifer Doesn't Win, I Will Lose All Hope, or Exhibit: Queen Meryl).
What if the blogosphere had its own version of the Oscars for which bloggers starve themselves for months, and then proceed to make a beeline for In-N-Out the second the credits roll? Think about it. Commentary from humor bloggers, venue by interior design bloggers, food catered by the non-healthy food bloggers, looks styled by the fashion bloggers and then prettified by the beauty vloggers. We'll be scoffing at the $168,000 Oscars swag bags and be all like, "oh yeah?! Well, WE are going to wherever there is a local tourism board willing to partner with travel bloggers' management, #sponsored #linkinprofile" – and the best news is, we can all read about it the next day!
IMHO, we should collectively Tweet at Chrissy Teigen until she agrees to host. One, girl is hilar. We all know that. We all have girl crushes on her, admit it. Two, she's up-for-anything. Modeling, acting, throwing pitches in MLB games drunk. This'll be another check on her resume! Three, she blogs! It's only right the host is one of our own. Bring your best cry face, Chrissy, the games have begun.
THE RED CARPET
Well obviously, the fashion bloggers will be wearing dresses by the designers whose shows they attended at NYFW. So, a lot of Kate Spade, J.Crew. Pretty standard. The rest of us will have to rely on the stylists who work for StitchFix. Or SheInside and Chicwish because hello affordable.
THE OPENING MONOLOGUE
Banking on Chrissy as host, perhaps we can have John Legend play a little jingle and a couple's sing-and-dance. But bringing it back to the bloggy blog world, she'll of course have to mention a few notable things that happened this year: bloggers making it onto the cover of a major fashion magazine, Bloglovin's makeover, that controversial American Blogger documentary, Instagram loop giveaways, Kayla Itsines, books and TV shows and jewelry collections, oh my!
We all remember how unhappy everyone was with how that whole Bloglovin Awards thing went down last year, right? To rectify that situation, I think it'll have to be a combination of an algorithm calculating total followers and engagement rate, a nomination and voting process, and if all else fails, giving away Nominee spots via a Rafflecopter widget.
Is this blog a Comedy or Drama? Oh wait, I totally meant Lifestyle or An Actual Niche. Mormon Blogger has to be a huge category – Best Director status, perhaps? Are there enough male bloggers to warrant a Best Male Blogger award? Would we have those obligatory categories that no one cares too much about and would play the "hurry up" music for? Ooh, is this where Boyfriend Photographers, Cute Babies, and Blog Dogs get recognized? I want to see Naomi from loveTaza's beautiful babies accepting an award is what I want. Let's nix the "hurry up" music though because I actually care a lot.
THE ACCEPTANCE SPEECHES
I'd like to thank my DSLR, social media, SEO, pumpkin spice lattes, and my mom who posts the funny comments that are the real reason people come to read. And
THE IN MEMORIAM
A sad goodbye to those who have served us well and were steadfastly loyal friends and comrades: donut buns, the bubble necklace, using frames on Instagram, sidebar advertisements, <$100 layout designs, Google Reader, commenting, and every TV show that is not called The Bachelor.
THE AFTER PARTY
Personalized cocktails in mason jars, that is ALL you need to know, blogettes!