Summertime

I'm typically one to stand firmly in the FALLTHETHINGS corner - brisk mornings, cozy sweaters, pumpkin muffins, you know the drill, I'm sure. Even the earlier evenings - I totally dig holing deeper into the couch, PJ's on and a hearty meal simmering away on the stove. In fact, I've always been a bit.... skeptical... of summer and, more specifically, people who love summer. What do you mean summer's the best - are you not affected by sweat, intense heat rashes, and boring days stuck at home over break?

Well. Now that we're a few weeks out of Summer 2018, consider me officially converted. It's not that I'm not giddily anticipating candles and boots and Crockpot meals (I most certainly am!), it's that this summer was absolutely incredible and I'm in denial that we're waving off the 9pm sunsets and the light, the light, the beautiful light! This is 100% a self-indulgent post, but allow me to ramble on about a few of the absolute highlights...

:: TEN DAYS IN CROATIA & SLOVENIA

I mean, need I say more?

The beginning of summer was a whirlwind - we had friends in town, a concert, Bay to Breakers (San Francisco's merriest event of the year) - and then my best friend and I were off to Europe for a week and a half. This trip in itself checked off several summer bucket list items: a road trip with unforeseen twists and turns, afternoons laying out on the rocks by the water, gelato multiple times a day, jacket-less evenings. Take me back!

:: DELIGHTFUL EVENINGS

Whether it was a bonfire in Santa Cruz with my best friends (parkas on, of course, because Northern California summer nights are not so summery), pizza and rose enjoyed on the roof, walking the mile home from work pausing every few minutes to admire the rosy skies, happy hours al fresco, watching in disbelief as the last of the sun still lingered on at 10pm beyond the Space Needle in Seattle, "family dinners" on Sunday nights at our favorite Japanese curry spot, or simply dancing and singing along to musicals in the kitchen with my roommates every night - the evenings have been so so so precious.

:: EXPLORING SAN FRANCISCO

Oh, this beloved city of mine.

San Francisco was so kind to us this summer, keeping the chillier days at a minimum and blessing us with sunshine, mild park-friendly temperatures. 

We spent so much of this summer - especially on weekends - discovering new nooks and crannies, but also loving on our favorite corners. There's one night in particular that I'm so fond of (you'll find a snap from the night two pictures down). We ventured out to a favorite jazz bar; the act of the evening was a motley crew of musicians and belly dancers and belly dancing musicians. It was a blast listening to them for a few hours, but then at 2am as they were preparing to close the bar, the band started playing I'm a Survivor, followed by Those Were The Days. A couple dozen strangers all squeezed onto the tiny stage and danced the last of the night away, sweaty and out of breath and deliriously happy. It's hands down one of my favorite San Francisco memories.

:: MUSIC!

The soundtrack to this summer is the loveliest, and I was so lucky to have seen a handful of acts live - Glass Animals, Outside Lands performers, Florence & the Machine (again) in Portland, jazz bars, favorite playlists on repeat during long drives.  

:: WEST COAST TRAVEL

I saw A LOT of 4am alarms these past few months, and know SFO at 5am like the back of hand. I made frequent work trips to our LA office, spent a handful of the most wonderful weekends in Seattle with my family, and then seriously had the most fun ever in Portland on a mini-vacay to cap off the summer. West Coast, Best Coast indeed.

:: AND ALL WITH THE BEST COMPANY

... and all of this wouldn't have been even a fraction as crazy-wonderful without the best people along for the ride. I learned so much from and created cherished memories with new friends, re-connected with a handful of old friends over nostalgia-laced stories and glasses of wine (and in some cases, something stronger), loved on my little nephew and watched him turn ONE, and came home every day to a noisy apartment with the most loving roommates. 

It's been one for the books, let's leave it at that.

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Cluttered Calendar, Cluttered Mind

And just like that, it's June 12th.

Several times this year, I've started writing a new blog post with some variation of "Life Update" as the title. I'll usually begin with something along the lines of "time sure flies, doesn't it," then list several 'newsworthy-in-the-world-of-Caroline’ bullet points, and then proceed to leave the tab open until one day I click back to add more only to realize a whole month has passed. And then, I start a new draft and the cycle repeats itself.

This is all to say: one meal, project, story, weekend, month at a time - time sure flies, doesn't it? 

So, a “life update!” Let’s start with this… Clutter has been the operating word around these parts recently: my mind is in a million places at once, my browser tabs/inbox/calendar are out of control, and my room/apartment… well, I keep on tripping over my yet-to-be-unpacked suitcase and the pile of “emergency laundry” has become more a mountain, really.

That’s an update! I got back from vacation a week ago: a blissful ten days spent in Slovenia and Croatia with my best friend. I walked into work last Monday miffed that I was no longer tanning on the rocks next to the Adriatic Sea, but also beaming because I had the most wonderful encounter with one of my favorite writers and because I had a whole day to talk my coworkers’ ears off about my trip. A coworker even pinged me to tell me he’d never seen me so happy or relaxed. The vacay glow, we’re calling it. I had no plans on the calendar and not a worry on my mind… 

*Flash forward to 24 hours later*

Not only did I now have plans for every night of last week, but also somehow I was booked for all of THIS week too, plus all the weekends until mid-July, as well as a last minute trip to LA for work (which I left for at 5am today), a weekend in Seattle, a music festival in August, a musical in DECEMBER. How does this even happen?! (Question asked by both my sanity and the fraud detection on my credit card.) 

This “scheduling spiral” did something funky to my brain - it was almost like the more that fell on the calendar, the more I had to keep adding to it. There was an urgency to be in motion, to be doing and having fun. Evenings devoid of drinks or a movie or a date or seeing friends from out of town just seemed wasted, a missed opportunity, especially in these light-filled summer nights. My theory is that the prospect of going through the motions of my regular routine with no trip to count down to induced a panic, so I scheduled numerous exciting micro-events to compensate.

Which is CRAZY you guys because until now, I’ve savored the sloth moments most of all: home alone, in my sweatpants on the couch catching up on SVU while eating mac and cheese straight from the pot. That was my happiest place of all.

To be honest, this began long before the vacation. The trip followed an insanely packed - but SUCH A FUN - May (concerts and friends in town and Bay to Breakers - see above! - and work travel) which followed an insanely packed April (more work travel and weekends out of town and ahem, my birthday) which followed an insanely packed March, and you see now where this is going. 

It’s also compounded by the fact that I live with my best friends. When this madness is happening in their lives too (and it is), it all accumulates until between her date, her work conference, her new job, her new relationship, her friend visiting, we’ve grocery-shopped a grand total of three times in 2018 because two of us are going to busy three nights this week so what’s the point and next week I’ll be out of town and her work schedule is insane so that’s a no too, and here we are: pantry bare, filling each other in on our days five minutes before bedtime in the hallway, all struggling to stay awake for one more update. 

2018 has been a year of doing all the things !!!! and saying yes. And while it has made for a wonderfully fun year with all sorts of beautiful memories, there’ve also been several lowlights too. Heightened anxiety, for example, to a degree I’ve never experienced before. Several of my closest coworkers moving on to new opportunities, which is amazing of course but I MISS THEM! And of course, the aforementioned busy-ness leaving me feeling totally burnt out and in need of major quality time with Olivia Benson and Annie’s White Cheddar Shells, not to mention my tribe. I haven’t been the best daughter or sister (or aunt!) or friend, and it’s time to take a step back from the nonstop nature of it all and shift some priorities around.

So! Clutter, do you see now? I wrote this post 100% to chat with you about Europe and Los Angeles and beach days (next post, maybe? Or have you had enough of me?), but then my fingers had a mind of their own, and I guess this is what they really wanted to write. Writing this post has already helped tremendously though - so much of how I make sense of the world and my own mind has always been through typing out all the jumbled thoughts in my brain, and watching them materialize in somewhat coherent threads. So thank you for listening - checking in here always feels like grabbing coffee with an old friend! 

Now, I want to hear about you. Drop a note in the comments, or email me - how has 2018 treated you? Are you ever plagued by the need to always be in motion? How do you pause?

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The Quarter Life Crisis

I'm sitting here, an hour away from 25*, chuckling because: 
1) I discovered twenty minutes ago that we have access to the Disney Channel, and am legitimately finding this Wizards of Waverly Place episode to be hysterical. God, I miss the Golden Age of the Disney Channel.
2) Yesterday, we started off my birthday celebration with Andre in blue Solo cups and ended it with frozen burritos. At what age do these become unacceptable?

This year, the birthday tradition for our little squad has been for the rest of the group to plan a day of small surprises and activities with the birthday girl in mind.

For Hanna's birthday, we drove to Tomales Bay to purchase a sack of 70 oysters and then we picnicked at Stinson Beach with cevapi, a selection of pies, and YouTube oyster-shucking videos. I still need to share pictures from this day with you guys because it was THE BEST.

Cassandra's birthday started out with an indulgent brunch at Absinthe where we ordered far too many goodies, a peek at the Civic Center - her very favorite building in San Francisco - then a detour to the batting cages, and finally an afternoon enjoying the sunshine down at Stanford with cupcakes and coffee with Bailey's.

Leah's... well Leah's still a baby for another month, so I'll get back to you on this one.

BUT MINE.

Cassandra and Hanna ignored my cries for more sleep, blasted The Greatest Showman songs from two different sources, wafted the scent of cinnamon rolls baking in the oven into my room, and placed a giant (yes, blue Solo) cup of mimosa in my hand.

I'm up, I'm here for this.

Once Leah showed up, we filled up water bottles with more mimosas and ran out into the street...

...only to be confronted by cops who playfully called out, "what's in those containers?!" 

Perhaps it was the mustaches or the birthday hats or the sunshine, but they declined to interrogate us any further and sent us off with a laugh.

Our first stop was Flora Grubb Gardens, a plant nursery / Instagram hotspot with an espresso bar. Here's the killer though: this spot is like 15 minutes away from my place... and I've never even heard about it! Truly impressive move by my friends because I really don't do much else with my time except search for cutesy spots like this one around town.

I made them go around the table and tell me all the things they love most about me as we enjoyed our coffees - I'm definitely the low-maintenance friend if you couldn't tell.

Once I was satisfied with their answers, we proceeded to wander around the property, taking pictures to my heart's content.

Why can't it be my birthday every day.

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Fields of Yellow in Half Moon Bay, Fields of Rambling Thoughts In My Mind

I got schooled by a thirteen-year-old in the ways of hip photography and also generally being cool.

(...I say like I find that to be a surprise...)

Here I was thinking I'm still somewhat in the loop of the Cool Kids Club, mostly because our CRO holds weekly sync-ups to discuss teenager lingo in order to "hold a proper conversation" with his daughter – this gives me LIFE by the way – and I'm usually aware of about 30% of the hot topics. So not to brag or anything but your girl is in. the. know. (Okay, I can hear you scoffing. Stop.)

Anyway! My source tells me that the Huji app is the new It App. Y'all. The point of this app is to make your photos look like they were taken with a disposable camera, a la 1998.

And you guys, I started feeling like my mother.

Squealing over the neon "'98" timestamp in the corner, claiming that nothing was so wonderful as the 'good old days' and how 'everything old is new again.' Momspeak.

In my own mind, I've always felt a bit like a 70-year-old - I'm wary of "youths" and pretty cynical and can think of nothing more ideal than curling up with a blanket by 8pm, a steaming cup of coffee in hand, and a procedural on TV.

But being in your early twenties comes with a strong sense of security: you're allowed to be indecisive, selfish, risky, and downright naive because you have your whole life ahead of you and there's time to learn from mistakes. And as April 17th comes around every year and I slowly start to leave my early twenties behind just as I'm getting used to it, a part of me still holds firmly onto that part of my identity and the security blanket that it offers.

Good grief, did any of that make sense to you?

These photos really have me feeling some type of way, evidently!

Anyway, this is all to say that usually I'm caught between 70 or fresh out of college in my mind, although my birth certificate indicates neither. Lately though, I've been seeing signs in my day-to-day life that remind me that I have indeed matured evolved in the last three years.

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